new blog site

I have a new blog.... here's the link:

http://theagapelife.wordpress.com/

Oh Barney Fife...

Sometimes when I'm working I wish I could carry a video camera. The scenes I see could be straight out of hollywood, and that makes me rethink those scenarios I've always thought to be ridiculous. What if people really act like the characters I see in movies?

I was sitting in a restaurant (working), slightly overwhelmed by the situation I found myself in a few moments earlier, and became distracted by a deep booming voice coming from a few tables away. I turn to see an older man with the look and voice of the Skipper from Gilligan's Island talking to a younger looking Barney Fife (late 20's to mid 30's). The Skipper was talking away in between and through the bites of food he was taking and Barney was sitting, hunched over, arms folded, quivering and almost had a look of constant flinching. As the Skipper is talking I'm able to pick up that he is Barney's father and he's giving him a relationship talk. The Skipper tells Barney, "Now, you're a few years behind for your age, your girlfriend, she's a few years ahead of you in maturity."

This is how the conversation went. The only time Barney said anything it was "Yeah, I like that story, you like telling that one" in reference to what I assume was a well used story told by the Skipper, said with a smile that looked as well worn as the story.

If this were a movie Barney's girlfriend would make some teary eyed speech about how she'd have no choice but to leave him if he didn't respect himself enough to stand up to his domineering father. And then, inevitably, Barney would stand up to the Skipper who would stand, mouth gaping, in shock and surprise and apologize for the years of bullying, etc. and everything in life would be great from that point on.

Unfortunately for Barney, this is not a movie. Hopefully someday he's able to summon the self esteem to stand up for himself. What do they call it? Implosive anger...

Anyhow, I guess the point is that we need to allow others to be themselves, to make their own choices. There are other points too. One word: manipulation. I will leave that for you to ponder. I have to go to work.

I'm not sure if this falls under the tangent category, but it comes close.

I just finished an online class this last weekend. I had to write a reflective paper for the end of it on the sociological influences in my life and the way these influences shaped me.

I don't know if you've heard the theory that language is the way we know things. It's the Sapir-Whorf theory. They decided that our reality is defined by the language we know. While it is true that language can in various ways influence our perceptions, it is not always so. For instance, children know what families and parents are (if they've had the real representations) before they speak or comprehend language. There are other cases that it has more of an effect.

The most obvious case would involve the idea of love. In other languages there are many words for many loves. I think Americans may have various ideas that they apply to the one word we have. Or, maybe, we do have other words for love but we do not connect these words with the idea of love that the actual word means to us. I don't know if that made any sense. Example, kindness is love, respect is love, commitment is love, and many more but these words don't always necessarily involve love. You can be kind or commit to another person out of selfishness or pride. Also our word love, which applies to friends, family, objects, romances, this word has no clear definition. There is no universal implication other than a feeling or emotion.

This is one example. Of my friends who are fluent in other languages they all have perceptions they recognize more clearly than I can because they know words that express those ideas that English hasn't given language to.

And so to bring this full circle (I know you've forgotten where I started, if you've had the patience to come this far with me at all) as I was examining myself from a sociological perspective, one of the things that caught my attention was the language that I grew up with: the christian language (or jargon, if you please).

I have always had an awareness of spirituality, and I think the language I know has something to do with it. I've been able to grasp, at least what I've become capable of grasping, concepts like grace, eternity, and so on. I find more meaning in words like love, consequences, absolute, humility, than I otherwise would have. And then, if I occasionally care to step outside of the utterly important little world of me, I find that there are other human beings and that they also live in a spiritual world and all that implies.

I've come to think that counselors ought to have a good grasp of language and concepts. It seems that ideas are easier to fight when there are words to make them tangible. At least, this is true for me. I prefer a fight with something that is tangible, something that I know is real. Ideas, when they are only ideas, can make themselves so intangible that when they occur in someone they decide to ignore or suppress it. We live in a rational society that does not acknowledge the intangible. I'm not sure our society knows how to acknowledge something that they cannot define as a chemical problem or make an equation for.

We are all about the labels.

Love is a chemical. As is depression, bipolar, schizophrenia, personality disorder, addiction, romance is based on smell if you hadn't heard, happiness, and so on.

I wonder if they'll eventually make little pills you take to heal or have these... oh wait....

Have you ever seen Rob Bell speak? His 'Everything is Spiritual' video is great. That's what it comes down to. Our bodies are a reflection of what is spiritual, so yeah, it's only natural that they work accordingly. We were made as such. Yes, there are chemicals, and maybe we've figured out how to manipulate those to a degree, but that's not the root, it's only the reflection.

Mmm it smells good...

I'm sitting outside and there's a bakery next door, the smell of fresh bread is calling to me....

It's been rainy the last couple of weeks, it's been nice and cool and the air is sweet. There are dark clouds hanging around the mountains, everything feels suppressed. It makes life feel quiet and still. The hustle and bustle are the same as ever, but it feels different.

There have been several sobering events in Flagstaff recently, I think the clouds know it. The sun does too. But, the world is bigger than I know and the clouds will move along in their time. It's rainy season and will be again and again, so I think I'll drink my tea, and smell the bread and thank God that the ground is being fed.

Oh those senators.....

A senator is proposing that the government set a national speed limit, 55 mph. Granted, it would reduce fuel consumption and all that. I think that this is all a big conspiracy. Obviously a country that has been used to traveling at 80 mph is not going to want to travel at 55 mph. This will increase the number of traffic tickets that are given out, which increases the amount of money the government gets.

That, and it would be sooo frustrating.

The Shack

My roommates have been reading that new novel the Shack. It's intriguing, if only for the reason that it's highly controversial, at least, to some. It made the Times as a surprise best seller
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/books/24shack.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

It's fiction piece about a man who is dealing with grief and loss and is visited by "God" in the form of a black woman who calls herself Papa. The idea behind this is that God is neither male nor female, but as the author says, God is called Father in the Bible because in the fall of mankind the mother became the primary caregiver and nurturer. Also, the man in the book had a bad relationship with his own father, and so had a man come to him as God he would've been harder to accept.

Why is it heresy to think of God as also being female? Or rather, being neither male nor female but giving us representations of who he is in the form different of genders. It's definitely hard to grasp, at least for me. I've never been a hardcore feminist, and in this country my ideas of gender roles are probably very skewed. It's something to think about.

About half the families I've worked with so far have been single mothers. The families in which the father is present have all at various points in time been involved in domestic violence. (Just to be fair, in all of these cases the mother was also violent towards the father.) In most cases the mother is the dominant figure (not all). In an economic class where men are rarely present (either physically or mentally) the women have learned to take control and now this applies whether the man is there or not. Even if he's there now, there are no promises about tomorrow. I wonder what similarities there are, if there are any, between these women and the women in generations past who had to live without husbands and fathers due to wars. Was it hard for the wife to give the role of authority back to the husband?

Well, back to work I go. Peace.

Please

Sometimes goodness is terrifying. Suffering produces beauty. There is so much suffering in the world, it seems like there should be more beauty than there is. Ugliness is so much more abundant. There is always something wrong, and someone who causes more to be wrong because of it.

I want to see the ugly become beautiful. To see the sad become happy. The hungry full, the blind with sight.
This is my request.

I have to go to work.

Tidbit

Ok, now this is a bit absurd... Apparently the Japanese government is measuring the waists of their citizens in an effort to "slim down" their country. Those who do not meet the standards are given 3 months before they are turned over to a dieting specialist. hmmm.....

huckabee is back.

I thought I was going crazy yesterday. I'm feeling questionable today as well. I worked 55 hours this week, and it turns out that I am not an overtime sort of person. Can not handle it. Too much. It took every bit of my courage not to quit last night. Just breathe....

So last night we went to the movie at the square, the Wizard of Oz. We tried to analyze it politically but I'm not sure if it really worked. We started out with a Depression theory then went to an Axis power/WWII theory. the wicked witch became Stalin and the flying monkeys kinda looked like Cossacks. But the Emerald City was a communist society... which doesn't make sense. the crowd was interesting as well. there were a bunch of high school kids by us working out their dramatic lives. They were giving soap operas a run for their money.

Speaking of... you will never guess who the newest news anchor is for FOX news. I may have to watch it just to see this. It's big. It's phenomenal really, my jaw dropped, my mind could not contain it... the late, great presidential candidate.... Mike Huckabee. Yes, yes, it's true. he's multi-talented. Governor, baptist minister, pres candidate, and now news anchor. Only Fox..... There are so many comments I would like to make at this moment... I don't know where to start really.

So I'll leave it to you.

trash cans

Someone called the sheriff on me today. New experience.... They didn't respond though, it was a bit absurd... Yay angry foster parents! *sigh*

There's a little girl who lives down the street from me, and when I drive by I see her and her friend perched on top of the trash and recycling cans by the street. They're usually chatting happily away while passers-by gaze up at them in a sort of wonder and (I think) envy. Imagine the ability to sit atop the trash and refuse of the world and happily share an afternoon with a friend.

The trash has nothing to do with them, it is simply there and happens to be a convenient spot to hang out. 10 does not regard the opinion of the world as relevant. Maybe 10 does not even acknowledge public opinion. 10 is still a kid, it's after 10 that miniature representations of adults begin to emerge.

*this is where I left to sneak into a friend's house and decorate his room with obnoxious christmas decorations*

There's a wideness in God's mercy....

I went up the peaks on the lift the other day for the first time. It was beautiful up there, looking out and feeling the wideness of the world.

I love climbing mountains, just to be alone in the quiet with a bird as a companion and breathe the pine-y fresh air... As much as I like to hike, I very much prefer to look up at a mountain than down from it. There's something about looking up at something as big and majestic as a snow covered peak against a clear blue sky, or on a cloudy day when it seems all the heavy mists get stuck on the tip... I especially love being in a valley and feeling surrounded by the huge walls of mountains.

I think humans need something they know is bigger than they are that will never fall or break. It's why we need hero's, why every culture has a god or gods.

Sometimes God is so vast and wide that it's hard to get a hold of him. For me, I think mountains are a tangible reminder that God is also tangible (and that's the best I can describe that one). Jesus is easier to get a hold of, a handhold for my mind. A being with an audible voice, a personality, a form.

We cannot put God in a box, it doesn't work. We always try to, maybe especially when we think we're not. that's why churches are so different. We all have these different boxes that we focus on. the problem is that we think the box we have is the only one that exists. I'm not being a relativist, I believe in absolutes, I just don't think that God works by our rules. We've even given meanings to the words we use to describe God thus putting his characteristics in a box. Words like Good, Love, Just, etc. Maybe we should redefine our definitions (ha how's that phrase?)

Well, I'm going to go clean my house. Peace.

tidbits

Hello blogging world. You are increasing globalization. Good work, lovely. I hope you take this responsibility seriously.

I am a student again (woohooo!!), and taking a sociology class. Mmhmm I love it, I may turn it into a career.

The other day I saw a man who seemed to be in his 60's running down the main road carrying a lit torch. I can only assume that he intends to say we are all winners. Sweet.

In the paper this morning there was an article on the Southern Baptist Convention. A church called the Journey is taking a stand against the 'moral majority' and has decided the the church does not exist to get people into office (shocker). They have asked other churches to take a look at caring for the environment, and other issues that the 'moral majority' has been ignoring. The convention has stated they will not be funding any more churches that take these stands. This makes me sad, and slightly confused.
Out of curiosity, why is it that all SBC pastors seem to have a drawl? Just wondering....

Oh, and the EU has begun investigating Iran's nuclear program, to see how far they got in the program before closing it down in 2003. We shall see how that goes. They already have the long range missiles down. Bet that's why the EU is interested now, the missiles have a range far enough to reach major european cities. hm.

So I was wondering, is it possible for a person to think objectively, disregarding culture completely? What would that look like? Obviously there is an objective world, but can a person perceive and act without being influenced by society, any society? I'd like to know more opinions if you have one....

So.... book, or hike? Orrrrr both?

Time (Oh how I love? thee)

You know how everyone always raves about the way other countries have no concept of time? I have always thought that might be nice, not to feel the rush and stress of time constantly pushing you forward as you find yourself reeling into the universe at the speed of.. Time. The second hand has always managed to produce a very subtle tinge of mockery, and the minute hand is wrought with full blown sarcasm. I've often stared into the face of a clock helpless and bewildered. But now, now I have a new perspective. I am an American, there is no escaping this. My culture has taught me to respect these ticking instruments. It has taught me that others respect it as well. Or they should. And now I, who have admired those who can live in another dimension than Time, find myself frustrated, annoyed, incredulous when others do not pay homage to this beast of a thing.

Calendars, clocks, day planners, cell phones, all lay claim on me. Some day... some day I will rid myself of these constraints and fly free!

wish me luck.

Capitalism in the Bible

" Be a religious extremist!

So, avoid politics if you can. But if you absolutely cannot resist, read the Bible for political advice -- even if you're a Buddhist, atheist or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I am not one of those people who believes that God is involved in politics. On the contrary. Observe politics in this country. Observe politics around the world. Observe politics through history. Does it look like God's involved?

The Bible is very clear about one thing: Using politics to create fairness is a sin. Observe the Tenth Commandment. The first nine commandments concern theological principles and social law: Thou shalt not make graven images, steal, kill, et cetera. Fair enough. But then there's the tenth: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor anything that is thy neighbor's."

Here are God's basic rules about how we should live, a brief list of sacred obligations and solemn moral precepts. And, right at the end of it we read, "Don't envy your buddy because he has an ox or a donkey." Why did that make the top 10? Why would God, with just 10 things to tell Moses, include jealousy about livestock?

Well, think about how important this commandment is to a community, to a nation, to a democracy. If you want a mule, if you want a pot roast, if you want a cleaning lady, don't whine about what the people across the street have. Get rich and get your own."

-Courtesy de L.A. Times
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-op-orourke4-2008may04,0,6913702.story?page=1

There you have it. The Bible promotes capitalism. Who knew. This actually was a very interesting article. Let me know what you think.

TIME

Are you ready for the torrent of posts that I've ben holding back for however long it's been?

I was reading the list of TIME's 100 most influential/powerful people this morning. I have to say, it makes me excited to think how brilliant and passionate some people are on this earth. I finally finished Atlas Shrugged, and though I disagree with the egotism aspect of Rand's philosophy (which is about 75 % of it...) I do think that there is a lot to be said for people who are dedicated to excellence in what they do. There are many people who pursue what is right, new ideas, new solutions in daring ways. I really admire that. I admire people who have the courage to pursue their calling and gifts.

George Bush made it on the list, by the way. Despite the fact that it's TIME. I would like to see FOX news make a top 100 list and then compare the two. That, would be interesting.

This on NPR, apparently the increase in corn farming is in a large part responsible for pricier groceries. The corn is for fuel... You just can't win.

All right, into the office I go.... Peace.

hello there

So here I am! Bet you thought I had disappeared from the cyber community, which I had, but I have come back and have a lot to say with so little time to say it (my battery is near death).

Well I got the job at AmeriPsych. I am now a family support specialist (which, if you will notice with me, sounds oh-so-grown-up) and I think I'm starting to get into the flow of things. I've been super busy, what with moving and new job-ing.. and so the last couple of weeks I've not had much of a life outside of work. I've decided I may be ready to step back into the world, and here I am.

The job is not easy, I supervise and document visits between children and their parents, usually for CPS although we have a couple of private pays. We also do some one on one parenting classes, which is a little funny for me since most of my clients are 10+ years older than I and I am not even close to having kids. A lot of the cases are in the system for neglect and drug use so a lot of the parenting modules are geared towards basic child care information, i.e. nutrition, discipline, etc.

I've been frustrated, overwhelmed, sad, and surprised by the things I've seen, but it's so good to see people working against their pasts, their addictions, etc to change their lives. Not all of them make an effort, but lots of them really do. It's good.

So, I have the day mostly off, and I'm hoping the weather warms up a little so I can head out to get my sunshine fix. In the meantime, I'm going to read my book and drink some coffee.

I just have to say, I'm so grateful for people who are willing to change the way things are and have been, for community and quirky people, and my parents. Cannot BEGIN to express how grateful I am for them. Mom, I think you should write me a parenting book.

Well, Happy May day to you all! Peace.

stagflation?

I had my first interview today, with AmeriPsych. It's an independent agency that works with CPS. The job sounds good-- intense, but good. We'll see how it goes....

So my hopes that this recession thing is all media hype are starting to fade. What with churches (I know of 3 at the moment) having to move into schools or close, people losing jobs, developers walking out on major developments, and now the state hiring freeze... I don't know, I guess we'll see what happens.

The latest buzz word is stagflation. I must've heard it 20 times today. And apparently we're not getting the $600 min. stimulus that we were promised, which is ok actually since it wouldn't work and the government's finances are obviously unstable, to say the least. NAFTA is a pretty big deal this week as well, on account of Ohio and their primaries. Some say NAFTA has had a very negative effect on their economy. Others say that the negative effect is from bad decision making by corporate companies like GM, Ford, etc.
(side note: Did you know that all these American companies are sending materials made here to other countries like Mexico to be assembled for much less? But we're not the only ones. Foreign cars are now assembled south of the border as well.)
At any rate this is bad news for Hilary since hubby dearest signed the bill in in 1994. She says she's against it. Facts: both she and Obama have voted FOR all of the free trade legislation that's come their way. Ha. Bunch of politicians.

well, on that note, Peace.

take me out to the ballgame...

Today I became a Cubs fan. It all happened so quickly... it seemed like the thing to do at the time. It's all about Ryne "Rhino" Sandberg. Yo. Apparently they haven't won a series game since 1908. Which happens to be 100 years ago. That's quite a while. But they've gotten a few pennants. (Oh yea, I know what that is. What now.) So I guess I might have to watch a few games this year....

I decided to study up on this Obama character a little more today since it appears he's on his way to candidacy, and if he gets that he's got a pretty good shot at the presidency. What I would really like to know, is How the heck is he planning on paying for all the, don't get me wrong, wonderful, things he's "planning" on doing for the country. I don't like his foreign policies or his immigration policy. I like his healthcare plan and education ideas. But, will he be able to work with congress or will he be another Jimmy Carter who ends fighting with congress more than anything else, thus getting nothing done. Will a Congress full of old rich white men listen to Obama? I'd like to know... And he's somewhat vague... not a good characteristic in my 'umble opinion.

Last night I went to hear Byron Hurt speak at NAU. He recently made a documentary called Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rythms about the hip hop culture and the way it affects and reflects gender. The violence, misogyny, and hyper-masculinity in hip hop he traced back to more than one thing. He interviewed an artist, whose name I've forgotten, maybe JadaKiss? I'm sure I'm massacring it. Anyhow, he asks this artist about the blatant violence depicted in the lyrics and the man turns to Byron and asks, "Do you watch movies?" in reference to all of the violence we're constantly seeing in films, going all the way back to John Wayne the picture of ultra-masculinity.

I found it all very interesting, especially as usually the focus of gender will be on feminism, not hyper-masculinity and its negative effects on our culture.

Tomorrow night I'm going to a play written by a friend as his thesis. It's also a study of gender and our paradigms concerning all that. Should be good.

So we may be moving soon. As much as I love living by a park and having massive windows, I hate living in an HOA. This coming from the property management receptionist. But, who would know better? Seriously, and I apologize if you live in an HOA and like it, but I think associations were created to make people pay money to complain. This guy calls in yesterday to complain about the snow plowers. Apparently the guy was shoveling snow ONTO THE SNOW IN HIS YARD. Well, I'm so sorry sir, I'll make sure that next time he uses the magic snow remover that makes snow disappear into thin air.

If the place works out we'll be in an area called Sunnyside, the "ghetto" of town. I'm pretty stoked. It'll be nice to have real neighbors who don't complain about what color the curtains are.

Well, I'm opening in the morning. Peace.

Chekhov and Sigur Ros

I think I may have fallen in love today. With Chekhov. Anton Chekhov, that is. I mean, listen to this,
"My goal in life is to kill two birds with one stone: to paint life in its true aspects, and to show how far this life falls short of the ideal life. I don;t know what this ideal life is, just as it is unknown to all of us. ... The truth is the absolute freedom of man, freedom from oppression, from ignorance, etc."

He is known for his ability to create a wonder and awe for commonplace things in life by making the reader take notice of them. He is also known for asking questions which he never answers. Also, I've found that he commonly creates feelings of deep compassion by being a complete bystander to his own writing. The way he writes about commonplace russian life is beautiful.

Well, I like him. I have to admit, I did not like the style in which Dostoevsky wrote the Idiot. It gave the feel more of a play than anything (in my humble opinion; but who am I to critique the masterful author?) And all his women were silly and emotional and wishy washy. In my opinion.

Anyhow. I'm listening to Sigur Ros right now. They're Icelandic. They made a movie called Heima that consists of several concerts they had in Iceland in little towns in the country: outdoors and indoors and in all the beautiful places you can imagine. It's amazing. Definately recommend it. It's a work of art, really.

It snowed more today. Tomorrow the high is 51. That, is Flagstaff for you.

Well, I'm going to get better acquainted with Chekhov. Peace.

dinner...

Well, I made it. I actually skipped my lunch break so I could leave an hour early and then they ended up closing the office an hour early cause of the snow so I got off 2 hours early and had plenty of time to clean (yay clean house!!!). The curry came out wonderfully and it was a lot cheaper than I'd thought it would be. I just made rice with it. I had gotten asparagus to make as well and then forgot about it til the curry was about done. But that's my life.

So singles' valentines dinner was a hit. All were happy and well fed. And the guys did the dishes :). Nice guys. I can go to bed without dirty dishes on my conscience.

Someone broke into the coffee shop again. Someone, from the way it went down, who knows the place a little bit. So that sucks. Like a stab in the gut. Well, what can we do but love people?

So my friend just showed me this radio site called Pandora, and it's amazing. I love it. You input an artist or song and the site generates a personalized station based on the sounds of that genre or song. And, it's free.

I read the Bell Jar today. Books like that, being in the mind of an unstable person, make me feel crazy. She was a sad person. It was interesting though.