Monday, February 20, 2006

Out of my system

It is out of my system. All throughout highschool I felt the need to get away and live on my own when I graduated. There's plenty of reasons why I felt this way, and probably a lot of them are immature and unreasonable, nonetheless that is how I've felt. It may have been, at least in part, a need to prove myself. I needed (wanted) to prove that I could get out of my hometown and live in my own, be independent and all that jazz. I also probably was trying to escape; to get away from where I lived and all the memories that pervaded my thoughts every day. Well, those may not be good reasons, but there they stand. Unlike a lot of kids my age, getting away from my family was never part of why I moved out. My family is my support system in a way, my reassurance (for what? well, whatever I need at the time.) So I am living in an apartment, which I do love, but as I stated at the beginning, I've gotten at least the need to prove something, out of my system. Good riddance! Now I'm tired of working haha. I know that it's part of moving out, and just because I'm tired of paying rent, doesn't give me the right to... hmm give up? Not quite what I mean, but close enough. Part of growing up is doing things like that. Another part of growing up is sticking to things.. a challenge for me. I change my mind allll the time, not that I want to, I'm in the process of learning how not to do that actually. I am so thankful I have wise parents who support my decisions, yet tactfully tell me when I am making bad ones lol. (and btw mom, I think you're the only one who has this web address lol. and thank you.) hum so where was I? what am I talking about? hum k so moving away.. I've gotten used to the idea of switching colleges, and now I think I'll be disappointed if it doesn't happen; I wouldn't cry myself to sleep over it lol, but I would be disappointed. I don't know that I can leave though, so it's one of those wait-and-see things (yes, another one). Oh well, in shala (sp). and there you have it. Well, I'm done soliloquizing (haha) for tonight.

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