Friday, April 27, 2007


I'm takin a break (from cleaning, that is). I'm hosting (hostessing?) Bethany's wedding shower tomorrow afternoon. I even cleaned the windows, and if you'd seen my windows you'd know that this has been quite a task. The de-cluttering took the longest though. Our stuff was starting to make me feel claustrophobic. That's the best I can do at describing it.

I haven't even gotten past the kitchen and living room yet. Oy.

The weather today was lovely.

Nickel Creek was amazing, by the way... It was their first time in Flagstaff. The Orpheum was packed, of course, and we had fun watching a totally high guy dance like mad (for about 5 minutes, and then he was annoying. Nickel Creek is not a moshing-crazy dancing type of band.)

I've been asked to share about the Irresistible Revolution at my church on Sunday. Marc (the "pastor" teacher-leader) and Lainee (apostle-leader) just read it and liked it a lot.

My church doesn't have a formal pastor position. It's led by five people, or will be soon, an apostle, a teacher, an evangelist, a pastor, and one more that I can't remember. No paid staff. No building. We meet in a rec center in the middle of a government housing neighborhood. That way, we can use our money to help people. I like it a lot. So, the book is something I think our church should read. We are embarking upon something new, and we don't quite know how to do it, but that's good. With no pre-conceived ideas God is free to do what He wants.

So, the book is about living for others, mostly the poor and oppressed. It's about living simply, the importance of community, leaving behind a self-seeking life and living a truly humble one. One devoted to other people.

I got the book for christmas, and I read the whole thing that day. Yes, it was that good. Kinda similar to Blue Like Jazz, but he delves deeper.

Ok, I really should get back to cleaning. My window is open and the kids across the street are playing ring around the rosie :).

Friday, April 20, 2007

9 to 5


Oh dear. 9-5. every day.

I took a different position at work, I'm the receptionist in like, 2 weeks. from 9 to 5. at a desk. INSIDE.

Too much commitment. I'm going to go CRAZY!

Ok, bright side.... there's a window. And.. I can look out of it. At the pretty weather. While I'm inside. SItting at a desk. From 9 to 5. Every day.

They say this is what life is like. This is what it takes to.. have money? Wait... Is that it? I suppose the money means school again next spring.. And school means helping people. Right?

So. How do I avoid this 9 to 5 thing being "the grind"?

I could start by NOT thinking about the trips and little kid summer camps and camping I COULD be doing. I will NOT think about all of those things. I will not.

Ummm.... and.... I'll get to talk to people more. I'll be up front where everyone likes to congregate. I'll get ot meet people who come in. Granted, some of them may be a little angry... it'll be good practice for when I'm in Social Work.... Then I'll have lots of angry people. Only then, they'll be angry at me. Or the government. But I'll probably be mad at the government too, so we'll be angry together. (Just kidding... I won't let them know I'm angry too. That probably wouldn't help.)

SO.. talking to people is good. And... school is good... and... nights off are good... ummm and... maybe it'll look good on a resume? ummm... that's it. Oh, no wait, I'll learn patience too. and long-suffering. (Or are those the same thing? well, long suffering is more descriptive. Maybe I shouldn't use that one though. It has a negative connotation. Let's start out positive! Ok, now I feel like a cheerleader. hmm.) If a monk can rejoice while doing dishes his whole life long, I can rejoice with a desk and a window, right? Right.

And, maybe, they'll let me read books. That, would be fantastic. I have such a long list of books-to-read. Ok, I feel better now. windows, people, and books...

fast from criticism, and feast on praise;
fast from self-pity and feast on joy;
fast from ill-temper and feast on peace;
fast from resentment and feast on contentment;
fast from jealousy and feast on love;
fast from pride and feast on humility;
fast from selfishness and feast on service;
fast from fear, and feast on faith.
-Arthur Lichlenburger

I think I've already posted this, but, like I said, I need sticky notes for my brain. Fast from selfishness and feast on service. So I need to pray about how I can be serving these people, in this place God has led me. oh yes, it was Him. Has His name all over it. (He has a sense of humor.) and He is love, whatever He does is love, yea? So what is His love in this? Aha. I don't know, do I? And everything I was complaining about had to do with me, didn't it? yea...

If the people around me can say, at the end of all this, that they see Him, what greater Joy is there? And they need Him, they really do.

It's not only the needy who are poor. There is more suffering in loneliness than in poverty. That's why the little children in Africa-- suffering from AIDS and hunger-- could dance and sing and smile, but the businessman with millions suffers from depression.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

4 Things

Four things:

1. In my religion class today a femenist was perplexed when 2 older men with grown children said (in a positive way) that having children is giving up your freedom.

2. Also in that class, my jewish friend found out that the zionists in Israel and evangelical christians (the dispensationalist ones) are unwittingly working together (he's not a zionist, but he was rather surprised.. actually so was I.) to restore the Temple and the nation of Israel. go figure.

3. "The sun will rise and set whether I pass in geometry or not."- Anne of Green Gables. I'm not sure if this is encouraging.

4. Someone gave the Dove free tickets to Nickel Creek. We are happy baristas!


1. What time did you get up this morning? I woke up at 6:15-ish and was wide awake (odd) but didn't get up til my alarm at 6:45 (cold!)

2. Diamonds or pearls? depends. but i don't need either.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Reign Over Me

4. What is your favorite TV show? meh.. Anything on the food channel (almost), MASH, charlie rose, 24... gilmore girls...

5. What did you have for breakfast? an apple and an americano :)

6. What is your favorite cuisine? I like italian, thai, chinese, etc. or anything homemade!

7. What foods do you dislike? ranch. and wierd textures.. sometimes i can't stand bananas..

8. Favorite chips? Nana's tortilla chips warmed, or those salt and pepper potato chips

9. What is in your MP3? whatever Lainee left on it when she gave it to me, i haven't figured it out yet lol

10. What kind of car do you drive? black honda civic

11. What is your favorite sandwich? anything from pita pit, or Arby's roast beef mmm

12. What characteristics do you despise? inconsistency sometimes (haha that's ironic). conceit. carelessness, sometimes.

13. What are your favorite clothes? comfortable. I love skirts and flip flops.

14. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? europe with emily. someday.. or Switzerland. I don't care. I like traveling.

15. Favorite brand of clothing? whatever's at Saver's.. i like gap jeans though.

16. Where would you want to retire? somewhere with mountains and pine trees and sunlight. sooo here?

17. Favorite time of day? it depends. when my classes and work are over, or early morning when it's quiet with a cup o coffee.

18. Where were you born? sherman tx

19. What is your favorite sport to watch? football (yea eagles!)

20. Who do you think will not send this back? ???

21. Person you expect to send it back first? ??

22. Pepsi or Coke? dr. pepper

23. Beavers or ducks? there is a duck that visits my parent's pool.

24. Are you a morning person or a night owl? mornings I love, but I hate getting up.

25. Pedicure or manicure? never had either, but if you're paying then sure.

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Jesus loves you

27. What did you want to be when you were little? interior designer or teacher. typical.

28. What is your best childhood memory? playin outside with my sisters; the choosing of the christmas tree then eating at friendly's, decorating it the next day and eating fritos with christmas punch; planting the garden in the spring; colorado camping trips

29. Piercings? just nose

30. Ever been to Africa ? not yet

31. Ever been toilet papering? yes sir.

32. Ever been in a car accident? no

33. Favorite day of the week? fridays - when you have the whole weekend to look forward to, and sundays when they're actually sundays.

34. Favorite restaurant? I don't have a favorite but oregano's is fun, nj pizza is delicious (and organic), the Place is open all night and cheap, and dara thai is quite good

35. Favorite Flower? lilacs, pansies, stargazer lilies, and gerbera daisies

36. Favorite ice cream? hagen daas espresso or Baskin Robbins chai ice cream

37. Favorite fast food restaurant? arby's sometimes

38. How many times did you fail your driver's test? didn't take it (yea driver's ed!)

39. From whom did you get your last e-mail? hmm compassion international

40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? ohh i don't know.. gap or a book store, or Pier 1- oh wait no, World Market. actually, none of those, I hate using a credit card

41. Bedtime? usually around 11

42. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? ??

43. Last person you went to dinner with? kris and zaccheus

44. What are you listening to right now? people

45. What is your favorite color? blue?

46. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? I don't email. usually.

47. What time did you finish this e-mail? 11:40 am

48. Favorite magazine? I don't know, Relevant I guess?

Friday, April 13, 2007

From preschool to Adam Sandler

Here's a random, funny story I remembered the other day...

When I was working at the preschool I had a kid named Ryan in my class. We were coloring-- umm they were coloring-- one afternoon, Ryan comes up to me holding a white crayon and tells me:
"Miss Hannah, this one doesn't work!" hehehee

Arnold Schwarzenegar (I totally butchered that one) was on Charlie Rose today. It is amazing how much one can say without saying anything at all. 45 minutes of catch words and mentions of hot topics but with no depth. Oy with the politicians already! Kurt Vonnegut died this week I guess. CHarlie gave a little tribute and played old footage of interviews with him. Kurt said that computers are taking over our ability to become in our homes. He said that our homes are for 3 main purposes, and becoming is one of them. Isn't that interesting? To become, to change, to develop. hmm...

Aren't you glad that is all I am going to mention about politics today?

It snowed yesterday. Full on snowstorm. It's pretty... or was. All traces of snow were wiped away by 9 this morning. It's still cold though!

We saw that new movie Reign Over Me last night. It was surprisingly good. It's about a man who lost his whole family in 9-11, but I was glad that thye didn't go into that very much, the focus was on his way of dealing with grief rather than the cause of it. With all the negative perceptions the media gives Americans of the middle east, I was nervous that this movie would only be more propaganda in that strain. There were a couple comments, but other than that they seemed to steer clear of the issue.

The main character (here is a tangent. He was played by Adam Sandler, who, as we all know, usually plays characters who are... less than believable. So for him, this role was quite different, and I don't think he always pulled off the believability thing.. but it was still good.) is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

It would be interesting to see whether his character's illness was close to what a real ptsd would look like. It was so interesting to see his way of dealing with intense pain and grief. Everyone deals with it differently. SOmetimes I make the mistake of thinking that if someone deals with something in a way I don't understand that I don't think they're dealing with it at all.

It was very interesting and there were lots of points in it that I would like to study... maybe I'd like being a counselor. I don't know.. anyways...

In my religions class we are reading a book on Muslim fundamentalism, and the author makes several good points about American (or any capitalist society really) culture. I had never thought about being captive to capitalism. Intersting, huh? My professor, in class yesterday, also talked about being a captive to language. Everything we know is related to the words we speak. The reason mysticism is discredited by culture is that it i beyond language. It actually reaches a realm in which language is irrelevant. We have also developed our language to categorize everything we know. In one way this helps us to understand many complextites and details we really couldn't wihtout language, but I think it also produces limitations. Limitations to those categories and limitations to the things outside of those categories.

Perceptions and a sense of self are both formed by language, and all of our experiences are categorized and interpreted by our language. How facinating, yes? So apparently this affects even the ways we respond to situations and experiences. Someone who speaks a different language will have a slightly different interpretation of their experiences. Of course there are many, many factors that apply to all that too...

He also made a statement about perfection being a form of emulation. When we perfect something we are emulating something we've seen in the past? especially in religion. hmmm... But, if we are all different, made with different gifts and all that, wouldn't prefection be different for all of us? My head is spinning haha. I like to see what affects people. Theories and all that. It's interesting stuff... I think that's enough for today. Blessings

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Barbarian Way

I'm at White Dove. Just met someone from the same neck o the woods as I. He even has family in the *ahem* legitmate *ahem* family business that some families enjoy in Jersey. "we's gonna make 'im an offa he can't refuse see?" hehehe....

Coffee shops are like bars in the respect that people often become like family in them, and come to share their stories- the hard and the good. They just don't get drunk. Sometimes they come in drunk, but they don't become drunk here. I love to listen to people (some may call it eavesdropping, but I think it's more of a love of people and learning about them..... lol). Right now I'm listening to a total optimist have a conversation with a hopeless pessimist and a a couple of friends talking about their hunting techniques.

I learn so much about people here. Personalities and lifestyles can be so different, but somehow people are still able to understand one another. Isn't that incredible? On some level, everyone can relate. I believe that. What's really special, I think, is that it is the deeper levels on which we are able to relate, and it seems to me to be the shallow levels on which we can't understand. Mostly. Blanket statements are hard to make.

My roommate and I had a neat convo the other day about personality differences. We are very different from each other. I have always been more on the reserved side when it comes to my emotions, and I'm not touchy-feely really. She is the opposite. She is more like my sister in that way, and it's funny because her sister is very much like me.

Actually, most of my sisters are more like her than they are like me. It kind of makes it hard for me to relate, especially since I'm in a different city too.

On a different note, I was thinking the other day about this blog, and I don't think I realized how much more I show of myself on here, which makes me kinda nervous lol... It's good though, cause I am more reserved. It's good to have a place I'm not reserved. Sometimes not enough maybe? hmm.

Around people conversation stays so shallow. I've noticed that too lately. That's not always a bad thing, maybe. It's necessary to rest your mind. It's like watching tv after a long day of classes. It's nice. Yes, I just said that watching tv is nice. Sometimes. But, I don't watch it very often, and I still think it's really bad for kids. They don't need to rest their minds, hopefully.

I would like to do something. Something like quitting school for a while. Til I'm 21 and can get a grant again. But I'm not going to. You know why? Cause I want to work. So wierd, I know. School's alright. I love to learn from my brilliant professors, I do. Maybe I have a problem with commitment haha! Just kidding. I have a problem with commitment to classes for 3 months. I like freedom. I'm an American college age kid. I would like to take off a leave when I feel the urge. I would like to travel to different countries and to see what I haven't seen to learn things I can't learn here. Oh my, how irresponsible that would be! (said in my very best pompous english accent, and for a visual picture an old lady sipping tea and frowning upon me over her eye glasses in a very imperious manner). I hear that pk's go through a time of irresponsibility before settling down and joining the drudgery of the grind. But, you see, I am not planning on ever joining any drudgery. Ever.

So, now that I've worried my mother to a frazzle, it's time to go. haha.... I'm going to go live my life the way God tells me to. I can only imagine what that might mean.

the way of the barbarians... (such a good book by the way! the Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. Go read it.)

Friday, April 06, 2007

Intellectual day

I had a very intellectual day today. Ok, well, it felt like one anyhow.

I actually got up on time and had coffee with Julie (roommate) and had a good chat, then went to work.

My boss didn't show up today (I think he was feeling sick) so I didn't have much to do... hm. That's not an intellectual part. I probably could've left that out. But I didn't.

I ran a bunch of errands (and felt oh so productive) then had an appointment with my religions prof to talk about my term paper. For some reason (self torture most likely. maybe my inner being feels the need to do penance for some unknown wrong I committed at the age of 2), I chose to write a term paper on the Ayatollah Khomeini instead of writing 2 simple 5 page papers on the books we're reading. It's just another of those many things I do that I cannot explain. Anyways....

He is a great professor, everyone I've met who's had him loves the classes. He is a christian so we got to talk a little bit about that, and about the demoralization and strength-sapping trends in our country. I left feeling all sorts of thoughtful and reflective. It lasted about 10 minutes. (After which amount of time I had gotten into my car and begun driving. Driving in Flagstaff is demoralizing (yes, I just used that word twice. and, yes, I am using a parenthesis inside of a parenthesis. My hero is the author of the Princess Bride. I believe I've said that before. shoot... back to driving) and if you've ever driven here you must already know this. If you have driven here and you don't know what I'm talking about, you are most likely part of the problem. I have a couple of suggestions for you:
1. At least drive the speed limit. Please.
2. When turning left, get into the turn lane before slowing to a nearly complete stop. Please.
3. If you are a semi truck driver, there is no help for you. You are doomed to be part of the problem. I am sorry.
4. Should you feel the need to drive faster than other cars in a lane that is ending, do not expect those cars to slow down even more than they have been in order to let you over. This causes much frustration for those of us trying to get somewhere.
5. When the light turns green, that means GO.
I hope these have been beneficial. I know I feel better.)

Tonight we went downtown for the art walk. They have one on the first Friday of every month. They'r emore fun in the summer cause the people come out in droves, and the live music drifts out into the street and mixes (I almost said mingles, but I thought it sounded too cliche. If you would like to insert mingles into the sentence though, I must say it sounds rather nice) with people talking and laughing. A friend of mine commented that all of the true Flagstaff-ian people show up for the art walk. The artsy, organic, and of course intellectual people. It is so fun.

If you've never been to an art walk (I don't even know if they have those in other cities), basically some of the stores and a few studios/apartments downtown host artists' works and there is free food. There is free wine too, if you're interested. It adds to the intellectual air, lol.. (well, figuratively speaking. actually, I don't like the smell of alcohol, so don't take it literally, mom.) I think that all of the artists are locals. There's pottery, photography, painting, sculptures, music (actually, most of the live musicians I recognized from the open mic nights at the tea house). One of the venues was a fundraiser to help end genocide. Another place hosted only women artists, and all of the proceeds were being donated to the local women's shelter.

I'm off to Phoenix in the morning, so good night all, and good Easter! (random thought, does anyone know why it's called Easter? I've never thought about that before... hmm..)

Thursday, April 05, 2007


There is a fundraiser for genocide victims at the Art Walk on Friday... if you're in the area.

I saw a friend last night who knew Chris, my friend who died, who was able to tell me a few things... He died on a trip with his church, sharing with the Havasupai tribe in the canyon. The people in the tribe have seen more than one death, being in the canyon, and they were amazed at the way the church handled Chris's death. Fifteen people from the tribe decided to become God's children, and one lady even came to Chris's funeral and spoke a little. Praise Him.

She did also tell me that she doesn't think the reality and all has really hit everyone yet, so be in prayer for them.

I was talking to a friend the other day about heaven and eternity, and how heaven isn't a very clear idea for us. Sometimes I think we (I know I do) make the mistake of thinking we'll get used to it after a while, and it is usually portayed a somewhat boring and stiff in media and whatnot. What I think is amazing though, is that God is so wonderful, He is joy itself, and he is limitless. There really is no limit to His love and joy. Every moment we spend with Him is new, and greater.

The only way I can think of to describe it is like the end of the Chronicles of Narnia series. The children are in "heaven" (and really, I love that idea of heaven. running and playing with the King in the beauty He created!) and the further in that they go, the better and more real it becomes. Our senses here are dulled and limited. In heaven we won't have those limits, and we will only be able to sense everyting more clearly as time passes.

That is my limited idea of heaven.

Sunday, April 01, 2007


I just got back from hiking and I'm all covered up in dust. Am I going to shower? nah. too lazy.. it's Flagstaff..

My roommate and I went to Jerome yesterday after a nice breakfast. I like saturday breakfasts.. They're a good start to the day. We met some interesting people, and, more importantly, found the good coffee place. I had usually gone to a place that was kinda fun to visit at, but the coffee was less than desirable. LAst time I was there we sat and discussed the many reasons Starbucks is no bueno with the owner and a big harley riding guy. It was fun. This place is better though, much better, and cheaper, and cuter, and the owners are friendly too.

We got a disposable camera since I still haven't found the cord to my digital.... so I'll put pictures up soon.

We drove back through Sedona and Oak Creek, and remembered why we love Arizona. (I think it mostly has to do with the blue skies and the big mountains).

You know, there's a lesson to learn in every situation, and we always learn one. SOmetimes, maybe even most times, the wrong lesson is learned. If the wrong lesson is learned, the right one is still there waiting, but it takes many more steps and more time. We watched Anna and the King the other night, and she is talking about her husband's death. The King tells her that life is suffring, but that there is always a way to grow through the suffering. Anna tells him that maybe she would have preferred a different lesson to learn, and he replies that Yes, but then you would not be where you are now, changing the world.

Well, time to go.. dinner at Lainee's... steak burritos :D oh yea