Wednesday, May 17, 2006


I may have to start writing about the customers that come into the coffee shop where I work, they’re pretty fascinating ;)..

For instance, a guy came in the other day, he works at Starbucks. Now I know you are feeling that immense pity we should all feel for those who work at Starbucks and think they actually make coffee, but hey, there is a bright spot in the poor guy’s life: he has the good taste to come to a real coffee shop.

Yesterday a man came in the door and walked inside past the counter, came back and gave me a dollar. No drink, just a dollar. Apparently he’s infamous for stealing the tip money and all of the baristas automatically hide the jar when they see him. He gives you money to distract you then tries to take it when you’re not looking. Interesting tactics… (oh and no, he did not get the money, it was hidden)

If you happen to hear a loud rumbling noise, don’t worry, it’s not an organized attack by giant killer bees who got tired of people stealing their honey and finally formed a union; it’s just the motor on the back of one customer’s bicycle. Mmhmm, yea, he put a motor on the back of his bike. Some people say crazy, strange and well, nerdy, but I say ingenious! People won’t get all sweaty and nasty by toiling away under the hot sun. that means less showers, which means Flagstaff won’t run out of water and have to import water from somewhere else, and that somewhere then won’t run out of water either which would cause them to import water also, thus causing a vicious cycle. And I am one of those “I knew him when” people. Who, him? Oh yea, I made his coffee.. totally knew him back in the day.. no biggie..

Well, I have more, but they’ll wait for another night. wouldn’t want to overwhelm you, what with the ocean’s eleven guy and the upcoming inventor..

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


I’ve been picking up a signal from who knows where, and it keeps fading in and out.. so frustrating haha.

I was told by a girl I work with that I seem independent. I’ve never had anyone tell me that before, and really that’s one of the last words I would’ve used to describe myself. Me independent? Psh.. me.. and yet I’m beginning to wonder if that’s one of the things that’s changed in me. I know I’ve changed a lot, I’m just not sure what those changes have been yet. If you have any help idea, please let me know ;)…

Independent. Lol I just looked it up in the thesaurus, I’ll list some of the words I found that go along with it: self-governing, self-sufficient, separate, and free. Funny thing, most of these are things I am fighting against.

When I am self-governing I do a terrible job at it. I’m not meant to govern over myself. It’s stressful, guilt inflicting and I have a tendency to judge myself for the wrong reasons. I say that because I judge my conduct, my thoughts on almost a works basis. God doesn’t give me grace according to what I do/don’t do. Well of course He doesn’t. everyone knows that. In their heads.

Self-sufficient.. self-supporting.. on my own.. you know I’ve never wanted to really be self-sufficient. I take huge comfort in the fact that there is always someone there to catch me when I mess up. I don’t even like working by myself because I like to have someone there telling me exactly what I need to do. Starting a new job is always a huge stress for me because I like to know exactly what is expected of me at all times. If I were self-sufficient I wouldn’t need grace. But I do, I am lacking.

Separate. To be unconnected and on the outside. Detached from things and people and places. Sometimes I wish I were more, sometimes I wish I wasn’t. at times I will purposely separate myself from everyone, kinda shut down. That’s only every once in a while though.. I have learned so much about telling people what’s going on with me this year, even with my parents. I went through a pretty rough time a couple years ago and I think it would’ve helped me to tell someone, but, now I can, so all’s well lol. I have started to hate the word reserved. I mean, yes a lot of the time it’s a necessary thing, but I need to be a friend to have friends as the cliché goes, so I’m learning about that too. Take a risk every now and then lol. I have been too reserved though, and I’m not sure yet what I’m afraid of, but I’ll figure it out sometime I suppose.

FREE! Oh I am free! I am free like the wind, free to be led by God to all sorts of places and see what things He has made. This is my independence. It’s ironic that I practice this last one the least, when it’s what God most wants me to experience. Freedom from the world and all the dirtiness of it. I am free to feel clean, to fight the battle and know that i’m on the winning side!

I’m free to do things I’ve never been able to do before, like taking a semester off and going on a missions trip. (I’ve actually looked at prices for airline tickets to London to lol.. wishful thinking. If I didn’t have a job and rent though, I’d probably take off. Well, maybe someday. When I’m finally done with school. I decided I’m never going to enjoy school… it’s a means to an end, and a torture in between lol.) Well this has gotten very long (and I never write looonng blogs of course..) so I must go. I’m glad we had this talk.

Friday, May 12, 2006

catching up..

Finals are over! Did you hear the sigh of relief? I finished on Wednesday morning, and the sun came out. I finally had the whole day (almost) to do whatever I wanted, and you know what I did? I cleaned!! And I enjoyed it! I don't know what it is, but I can't stand being in my apartment if it's messy. I actually avoid going there, it bothers me so much. Maybe a little bit A type?..... So much has happened, at least it feels that way. I started a new job in addition to the one I already have. I made some big decisions.. and then lots of other things that are life. I am working two jobs over the summer; one as a preschool teacher of course, and the other is at a coffee shop. I have also decided to take the next semester off. My roommate decided she's going to a christian college next year, and so I am left roommateless. Also my dad and I had been talking about a mission trip to Mozambique. We know a missionary family there, so it looks like an opportune time to go. Everything's been falling into place, and I'm so excited to be able to go! It'll be really nice to be able to live with my family for a while too. After christmas I'll move back up here and live with Julie, who will be back from her mission trip to the Philippines by then, in an apartment her dad is building. I'm way excited about that as well. It's in a beautiful area right by a park! I won't have to drive to get outside anymore. So that's the plan for now, and I definately feel at peace about it. Of course, that does mean I'll have to live in Phoenix.. I've recently come to realize this.. not that Phoenix is horrible, I just really like being able to go to the grocery store in sweat pants lol! I couldn't ever fit in at ASU. How do they do it? They dress up to go to class... when people do that here we all want to throw rocks at them haha. At the preschool I have a little girl who recently lost her mother. She didn't die, but she lost her just the same. She has a wonderful father who does all he can for her, and two brothers. No mother type figure whatsoever. Well, we're always saying that we wish we could take her out and do girly things with her. One of the girls I work with talked to the little girl's dad today, and she's spending Mother's day with her. And we are all taking her out next week to do fun stuff, see a movie, buy dress ups, the works. We're really excited :). I realized that the kids I pay most of my attention to are the ones who don't have mothers. Instinct? They just need a mommy. It's true they do. Recently I've been pulled toward verses that talk about helping the poor. I think a lot of it does have to do with where I am and the current trend (at least here) towards that. If you haven't noticed, it's very trendy in a way to be fired up about the poor and all of that. It's probably always been that way I guess, especially among college students. I want to have a real heart for that. I don't want to be all talk, which is something that's easy for me to fall into and it makes me sick of myself. Anyways, a group of us girls were standing outside a little thai place tonight and a homeless (and drunk) man came up and asked us for change. A few girls told him we don't have any. He continued to ask for money and then started to point out our nice clothes. He said we had nice homes to go back to and he didn't. Guilt trip stuff. It worked. The whole time he was talking I wanted to tell him, look, I won't give you money but I'll buy you some food. One of the girls ended up doing that, but I didn't. I was scared. I knew God wanted me to buy him food and I did not. I really wish I had. He kept talking while she was getting him food, and the whole time there were so many things I wanted to say about God, but I couldn't. At least I felt like I couldn't, because I hadn't even been willing to buy him food. What kind of Jesus would that have shown him? Not the one that I know. (btw, mom, I was not by myself or I would've left immediately. don't worry lol. got the mace.) I hate feeling hypocritical, and that's how I felt tonight. So moving on, maybe next time I'll do what I should.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

I went home for the weekend, a much needed escape.. I realized I really need that place where everyone there loves me because I am me. Even my crabby, irritable me. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to know there are someones who miss you and want to spend time with you. It was also so very nice to have my own room at night.. I love my roommate to death, but privacy is not one of my priviledges. I'm more of an introvert than extrovert, so after I spend a while around people I need time by myself to recharge. I love hanging out with people, but it does tend to wear me out, unless I'm completely comfortable and open around them.

So we were going through the movie channels on saturday night and the only decent thing on was a christmas movie. followed by another christmas movie. in april. hmmm... Then today I went to work and I get there around the time that the kids are just falling asleep for their nap so we have the classical music radio station playing. They definately played a christmas song.. It makes me wonder.. as I've written before, Christmas is a joyful, merry season. Every once in a while I think we need to feel that joy; stand in wonder once again of Jesus and the beauty of God coming down here to us. Every once in a while we need to slow down, enjoy being in awe of our Lord. God gave us christmas trees, and all the pretty things, the warm spicy smells, the lights and the snow as a gift. Almost like a date.. He's got this all planned out. What will make them happy? Fill them with delight? All because He's hoping we'll fall in love with him. merry christmas! ;)