Friday, September 28, 2007


I'm in a mood. I'm ready to pick up and take off somewhere. It;s not really that bad. It's just been a grey day; a dickens-esque sort of day. I think everyone who called in today at work felt the same way, cause they were all in a bad mood. Well, most of the people who call in are anyways (property management), but today it was worse. And traffic was awful. Maybe I'll go get my ears pierced or smthing since I can't very well run away.

I went to a Jimmy Eat World show last night. It was great. The band that opened was pretty amazing too, they're called the Stiletto Formal. My friend's brother is in it. It's fun to go to shows like that, the crowd gets really into it. They sold out Prochnow..

I stopped taking the iron again, going to see how I do. It was making me feel funny.

I read a biography on Amelia Earhart. I hadn't known she was a Social Worker.. She worked in the settlement houses that Jane Hull began. They were some pretty amazing women.

Got to go run errands (bleh). Oh, I got the new Sufjan Stevens cd. It's the extra stuff from his Illinois album, and it's about his past. There's this slightly off key guitar that comes through at certain points that symbolizes the way the past sometimes interrupts or invades the present. It's very good.


Thursday, September 20, 2007

the Office, small towns, absolutes

Today was interesting.. have I ever said much about my work? The office one, I mean. I don't think I have... but if you've ever watched the Office (Steve Carell).. think of it as an exaggerated version of my office.

On Sunday we had a get-together sort of thing. We went out to my boss's place for a shooting contest/bbq. He does these mounted shooting competitions from his horses and has an arena set up at his place. Well, he decided to have the gang over for a little competition. But, being as none of us are horsemen (women), or pro shooters, we got to use the tractor. Mmhmm. It was great. And, he has a little loudspeaker dealio set up so that he could give directions on a mic, which he also used to play some hip-hop/country (I didn't know such a genre existed) music.

Today they were trying to decide what to do for the holiday light parade this year. They started out with a Tribute to Barbara Streisand, complete with back-up singers. Cross dressed, of course. Then, someone mentioned that the catholic school has a bus availble to rent for a small fee. That turned into a Partridge Family Christmas. Cross dressed. Somehow that turned into converting a golf cart into a "Pope-mobile", complete with mafia. (Apparently the goal is to offend as many people as possible.) These ideas were cast aside for a more tame "North Pole" theme with penguins and elves.

So, the beginning of the day was.. amusing, to say the least. Then, I met one of the new owners of a rental, who happens to have the same last name as I do. It doesn't happen very often, so we were chatting, and she found out where I was from and then knew my parents names, because, her husband has the same name as my dad. FUnny thing. When they first moved out here, they'd meet people who would know who my dad was and tell this couple about it.

It's a small world in these parts.

Near the end of the day I was talking to someone else from Williams. He told me his in-laws had gone to one of the funerals for one of the kids. Apparently during the eulogies, the high school kids were getting up and talking about how they were going to remember this kid by drinking and smoking weed because that's what he'd want. . I don't even know what to say... It's like, God's trying to get their attention.. they're so far removed.. or somehting. I mean, how can anyone be so stupid?? Why would you ever say anything like that, much less believe it?

I was (am) pretty upset, to say the least. I went hiking. Still upset. Makes me sick really. Man. The old coach says that if he were still coaching the football team, there wouldn't be one cause he'd have kicked every one of the kids off the team. He's never seen the high school full of kids that were.. like this.

God bless the christians in that town.

God help the little kids while they're helpable.

I had an interesting convo with a friend of mine getting his masters in sociology. Isn't it interesting that each generation has it's own sort of reality. This generation is defined by "reality tv" and all that. A fake reality, a manicured, put together one. "You can be anything" has taken an ugly turn, and humanity is posing as something superhuman.

It's also interesting that as the church, it's pretty popular to try to reach youth with the flashy, fasterthanyoucanthink entertainment that they're used to in the media. It's like trying to convey God, who He is, by using something they're already getting instead of using something real and of Him. Like, you know that feeling of joy you get when you see a sunset or listen to really moving music, basically anything aesthetically pleasing? Shouldn't we be trying to convey that sort of thing instead of that empty, fast-paced stuff.

And I have a question. I believe in absolutes. Obviously. But, what are they? Certain morals we have are dictated by our worldview, or the cultural lenses we have on. This is the example I think of: My roommate's family lived in Uzbekistan for 4 years. In that country, abortion is used as birth control, and the women have never been taught that it is wrong. Now, obviously abortion is a wrong thing. But if these women have not been taught that this is bad and have no convictions to tell them it is, can they be innocent of doing a wrong even while commit it? My point is, we are all inundated by different things in our cultures and maybe we can commit wrong acts and yet remain innocent because we have no concept of the rightness or wrongness of that action.

Also, what makes something absolutely good or bad? Is it defined by its consequence? For instance, war. Cna war be considered morally ok if it produces good for a group of people, Or, is the action of murder always absolutely wrong regardless of the ends? And can an act be considered "good" if it takes a "bad" act to produce the "good"? In order for something to be absolutely good, does it have to produce only good? Can we define an absolutely good act one that causes good effects for the common people, all people the act has an effect on?

I'm not very far into my reasoning, but opinions help.

Well, I really need to get to sleep. Blessings.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


This week. hm.

Reminders that life is so very fragile, so short. Painful. Joyous. New. Old. Precious.

A car crash killed 5 kids in my hometown this week. One survived.

"Did you know them?" "Yea, I knew some of them" How many tims did I hear that one this week? It's a trajedy, but, unless you have lived in a small town, you have no idea what it's like. Classes were canceled in the schools. The town is subdued.

It brought back bad memories from this same week, 6 years ago, and not of 9-11. A suicide that caused the same reaction. Only this time there were five, and I can only pray that these deaths don't cause the same effects as that one. It's been a hard week, and I feel like instead of mourning for 5 deaths, I was mourning for 6. And it was good to grieve, because I hadn't yet.

People make choices. They do. No one makes choices for them, but someone needs to love them. Everyone needs to be loved, isn't that why we're here? To be loved? And to love. That is the purpose.

I watched the movie, the Lady in the Water tonight. it was very good. The main character lost his wife and kids several years prior to the events taking place. He begins to have life once more when he discovers that he has a purpose, he can help someone, he turns out to be the "healer" needed to help the young girl. His healing couldn't come about until he expressed and acknowleged his grief, loss.

Kind of the plank in the eye story placed in a different context.

It was good to be home for a short while. I'd begun to wallow. That's not a good thing to do. The Joy of the Lord is my strength. It's kinda hard to have joy when you're wallowing.

I've always wished I had the gift of healing. Except that I'm afraid that to be a healer you have to see the hurt. I hate seeing hurt. Maybe I wouldn't if I could fix it.

No, I still would.

But, life, here, is short and pain won't last forever.

Thank God for heaven. Blessings.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


It's super slow at work today. So here i go....

50 ODD things about you!

If you opened this, FILL IT OUT! Learn 50 things about your friends, and let them learn 50 things about you!

1. How tall are you?
5'7" ish

2. Have you ever done heroin?
nope. DOn't do drugs!!!!

3. Do you own a gun?
a water gun. only it doesn't work, I got it at Saver's fro 50 cents, I have a war going with Julie's little brother.

4. Do you recycle?

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
i try to avoid them altogether, and that usually works. doctors aren't as bad as dentists, but i don't trust them.

6. What do you think about hot dogs?
only when grilled, and only if i don't think about what's in them. I just found out what they make jello out of. I feel somewhat btrayed by Bill Cosby, him and his not-so-innocent jello jigglers!

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
White Christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
OJ or a double americano

9. Can you do push ups?
once upon a time i could do like 35. that was a few years ago. now i can do 1. maybe.

10. Is your bathroom clean?

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
a wood necklace

12. Do you like painkillers?
wierd question... no i don't, but sometimes they're necessary.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
sounds like being a hunter. "we have to be vewy quiet, we aw hunting wabbits!" or men.

16. Middle Name?

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment..
Johnny just finished duct-taping his backpack, this morning is really slow (at work), i want to take a nap later

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought:
apples, dinner at dara thai (evil jungle princess mmmm), gas

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
coffee, water, juice

20. Who is your hero?
santa claus. he gives and gives every year. i don't know why that came to mind.

21. Last person you called?

22. Current worry?
getting the job at nau...

23. Current hate?
busyness. almost like business... hmm ironic

24. Favorite place to be?
outside.. preferably when it's pretty and nice. oo in a hammock, with a book. and gingersnaps.

25. How did you bring in the new year?
i don't remember.... it was too long ago.. hmm

26. Where would you like to go?
man, anywhere at this point.. i haven't been out of AZ in so long

27. Do you own slippers?
i think they're under my bed somewhere

28. What shirt are you wearing?
white t

29. Do you burn or tan?
right now i'm peeling, and i'm so disappointed beacause the tan is peeling off.

30. Favorite color(s)?
blue and green

32. Are you wearing socks right now?
nope. i hate closing my feet in.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
i don't usually sing in the shower... but sometimes....

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
i think some sort of wolf creature. that's odd. i've never thought about that before. I wonder why a wolf?

35. What's in your pockets right now?

36. Last thing/person that made you laugh?
Johnny Cornelius asking roseanna if she had her tattoo with her..

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I think I had Pocahontas ones. Funny thing is I didn't see Pocahontas til I was in high school.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I fractured my arm once... but it didn't hurt that bad

39. Are you doing anything else right now?
sitting in the coffee shop. waiting for 2 o clock

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?

41. Who is your loudest friend?

Kristen maybe
42. Who is your most silent friend?
hmmm sometimes Roseanna.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
don't think so

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?

45. What is your favorite book?
David Copperfield

46. What is your favorite candy?

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
beats me... something pretty, and not the wedding march. actually, if i could have someone playing a pretty instrument, i wouldn' care much what the song was.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
whatever they want to play

49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night?
watching 3:10 to Yuma at Harkins

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
why the heck did i agree to seeing a movie last night?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


Today I put on some Rich Mullins while I cleaned a little and played that song.. the Prairie Calling out Your Name one, and it made feel like I used to when I was little. Iremember when our family'd drive somewhere through plains, I'd want to run and run and run and never be tired, just for the sheer joy of it. There's a Cheri Keagy? song that always made me feel that way, the one that goes 'If I stand, with my face to the wind, with the storm beating down on this sacred ground I will not stand alone' or something like that. I'm sure I got the words wrong.

I love that feeling of joy that makes you want to do something like that. For me, it's running and never stopping and laughing and yelling because the joy is overwhelming. I used to (still am) be jealous of Lucy and Susan in the Chronicles of Narnia, because they got to do that with Aslan. Someday...

I went to the Vineyard this Sunday. It was the one of the best church "services" I've ever been in. Instead of a sermon, there were three options. Some people went out on San Fransisco and gave out water bottles. Others went out in the community around the church and cleaned up trash, and others stayed and prayed for the community. I felt like I ought to stay, and I'm so glad I did. The prayer was so.. Spirit filled. It was so powerful, and so, so good and encouraging to hear these people cry out for their city.

It is a good thing to show people who Jesus is. And it is a good thing to be love.

On Saturday mornings there is an old man (80's) who has a prayer ministry at NewSong. His name is Jack. It is my favorite part about the coffee shop, to sit and listen to Jack tell stories (and he's got 'em) about God in his life, and bits of wisdom he's learned. He kept me company (pretty much told me stories non-stop) for like 2 hours straight this weekend. He talks most of the power of prayer, and being with God.

It is a good thing to love God.


Saturday, September 01, 2007


I did it, 13 inches off!

I like it a lot, it's much lighter now...

The sky is huge and clear blue right now.. It looks like the beginning of Fall :). I bought some apple cider the other day from a couple guys on the side o the road in Oak Creek and it was like heaven in a glass. They told us that they sell it at the local farmer's market that meets on Beaver on Sunday mornings, but when we looked for them they weren't there. We did, however, find a sweet new store across the street. It's a colorful, funky artist studio/shop that sells everything from tall drippy candles and paintings to old television sets and records.

Today should be a quiet day (I'm at work). It's Labor day weekend, and everyone's at the fair or the creek.

All of the students are back (college town). Campus is its own little world when school's in. The tea house was packed on monday night, somewhat different crowd than you might see there in the summer. The college kids bring a different vibe to the hippi community that congregates there. Funny thing, the crowd at Macy's and the crowd at the tea house are kinda different, though I would've grouped them together. The tea house seems more upper class, which is funny, because I wouldn't have said that hippis could be upper class. They are though. My friend calls them "neo-hippis".

They don't talk much about love anymore. They mostly rant against society, normalcy, "the Man"... like the emo kids, but without the girl jeans and eye liner. These kids don't really want to change the world, they just want to complain about it. Kinda sad.

I know, look who's talking huh?

Oh man, my roommate got a couple of seasons of 24... I started watching them last night and couldn't stop. what happened to those happy tv sitcoms that were always resolved at the end of the show?

Well, I am going to enjoy the quiet, pretty day. And mop. Blessings.