a little of me

Saturday, October 29, 2005 So I worked out at Lost Canyon tonight and I was looking up at the stars. They are so bright out there! it's incredible, thank you Father! But I started thinking about it and when I'm looking at the stars, or the colors of the leaves right now, or the deep blue sky.. I really do feel most like myself. Yes, I'm back to the Who am I question. It comes up every so often in my life. And I never really get an answer. hmm so I am a daughter of God. That has to be the core of my identity. Life looks so different from that perspective. I am usually a pretty quiet person. I think I get that from my dad. But then there's my mom's side of the family too lol, completely different. And you would have to know my mom to understand this. Or see my mom with her sisters haha, I love being around all of them! I definately have some of that too. I love hiking! I don't get to go as often as I would like to... especially now that I can't drag my sister along with me lol. (I had to resort to bribery a few times.) I think I like it because it's a vent for my frustrations (yup hiking and tai kwan do class lol, it's sooo nice to hit things when you're angry). it's not just that though, I'm able to think about so many things and it becomes clearer for me, and it always makes me think about God and it's just... one of His ways of bringing me closer to Him. I don't know how to explain it. Oh, and it's so quiet out there. I like having quiet (especially after work...) I love having good meaningful conversations with people, but I don't share how I really feel very often or with many people. That's something I've gotten better at, and I'm trying; I think it's something I need to do more often for sure. I have never dated anyone. That's not because I don't date at all, but for me personally, it's been better for me not to have dated yet. I certainly don't regret it. I got to be (and still am) good friends with guys and... it was just better. We'll leave it at that lol. You have to know what I'm talking about I guess (Keeley :)) anyways, I don't want to date just for the heck of it. but I do want to date (*ahem *nudge God lol).. hard to explain... if you really want to know, you can ask me anytime :). I love music, especially the one guy singing while playing the guitar kind of music. And especially around a fire. My dad is my favorite actually. He always just bursts out with a song in the middle of his sermons, it's pretty awesome. Some things are meant to be sung. I like christmas music too. I usually pull it out about the end of September/beginning of October. This year I was better though, and it wasn't til the end of October. Christmas is my favorite season! It's so... happy and.. magical. and I'm such a girl, it's true. Actually, it's kind of disappointing when Christmas actually gets here, because the season is over. I work a lot with little kids. I always have. Teamkids wore me out for a while.... but I'm back. I work in a Preschool. It's not quite the same though, I'm the Teacher at work. That means mostly disciplinarian. It's made me realize what a good decision it was for God to make men the leaders/disciplinarians. Of course, I do get to make their bumps and bruises all better... and laugh at the way they talk or the things they say (when they're not looking of course). And wish I could make things better for them. I wish they all had good loving parents, but they don't. I wish I could take away their confused pain, but I can't. Life really isn't fair, but God is good and we can trust Him. Well, I am tired... the chai tea finally wore off lol. I don't know if anyone reads these blogs, but it doesn't really matter. I'm sorry if it's at all confusing.. it's just me thinking out loud I guess. Take some time to look at the stars and think about the One who created them for you!