Monday, December 03, 2007


Well, I looked for business-y clothes this weekend. And watched a lot of the Office, and it wasn't until today that I noticed how ironic it is that I watched the Office on my day off from the office. anyhow. I decided women's business clothes aren't made for me because none of them seem to fit right. Sad day.

That is me not being happy about offices.

So yesterday church was about God's heart for the poor, and it was hard for me to hear, being stuck here in an office all week long and not doing anything much. I feel useless. I think that is my wanderlust problem.

I started thinking back on all of the things I was involved in in Williams, and I think firstly that I did way too much stuff that I didn't need to be doing. I mean, stuff I wasn't gifted or talented at so it all stressed me out. And I failed sometimes. Which stresses me out. Ok, maybe I didn't fail, but it felt like it. Like this kids' thing I ended up running. It's gone now.

I think I've been feeling guilty that I didn't do more for the kids. I loved the kids, I didn't so much love running that thing. I don't think it was my fault though, so I decided not to feel guilty about it anymore. Which is the short version.

SOmetimes I wonder if God wants me to go back and do something with the little kids there. I haven't a clue what that would be though. There's Younglife.. and wyldlife, which are both amazing and I've seen many kids' lives changed through them and the leaders there. But, there's really not much of anything for the little ones, and really, by 5th grade they're on a path that's hard to change.

Well. Wait and see. I'm not a leader and I'm really bad at initiation. So.

I need to go return the Office and head off to home group. Peace.


crickl said...

Yikes, you need to lay that down missy! That was not a failure and it did not end because of you. And besides, all of life is a learning experience....even trying things you weren't good at. (which i am struggling to think of what you did that you were not good at) *seriously*

So examine what you learned and be thankful for the least you didn't maim or kill anyone. ;)

You'll have to bring the Office dvd's with you this weekend....I don't seem to be channel surfing whenever it is on.

You're cute when you're sad, so milk it behbeh....

Michele said...

Sometimes when I wonder about my life choices, I walk down Broadway Avenue, our business section of the city, and I see lots of women in pantyhose and dressy suits and pumps and I feel much, MUCH better.

We all love the office out here.

How in the WORLD do you know you're not a leader. You're only, what, 20-something? You just might be a leader and just not know it yet.