Sunday, February 26, 2006

anything and everything

And the ice skating rink is a hit!!! *ba dum ching! (I know it doesn't exactly fit, but I wanted to do it...) So Williams amazes me yet again. Yup, that's right folks, right her in yer very own hometown we hev the one aaand only outdoor ice skating rink in the whole state of Arizona. Yes sirree, and dats de facts dat is. there is only one thing wrong here. I have not been to it yet. *sigh* i know, i know, but I'm busy! gosh gimme a break. lol. I reallyreally wanted to go the other night. I was studying for a final, and I could here the christmas music drifting from the rink. It was calling my name! stinkin school... But now I'm done!! Can you feel the joy, the excitement, the wonder and awe!? Of course, now I have even less time though. Oy. Ya just can't win. I'm jk, I'm not complaining, I need the money, but working 45 hours a week??
 I worked all day today and I am worn out. I was getting pretty frustrated with some of those kids too but that was my fault, not theirs. Kids are kids, I have no right to expect them to be anything else. It's a lot more than just a "job" though. I have some of those kids longer than their parents do. It's very sad. So it's more than just daycare, it's teaching them and training them. GOd has His ways of reminding me of that throughout the day. Today I was having a hard time with one girl, Victoria (I think I've written about her before..) She is very touchy about some things, and it's been getting worse and worse. Her Grandmother just obtained full custody of her and her brother. her mother I believe is in rehab, and her homelife has in the past just been terrible. Anyways, she won't sit next to the boys in class, and sometimes she won't sit by anyone. I found out they think she may have been molested. How could anyone do that to a child?? I can't even think about it. SHe is 4 years old. How does all of that hurt and heartache fit into four years old? i get frustrated and shortsighted and only see the tantrums and fits, but that's not it. It's the pain in her that's spilling out because she cannot hold it all. Oh God please help her. 
 Jacob is my most troublesome one. he is the very epitome of a mischievous little boy. Yet during the times that he's not causing trouble or sitting in time out lol, he surprises me. Today he randomly came up and gave me a hug. He's never done that before. He has a little crush on Azucena too, it's kinda funny (and it means I really have to keep an eye on him!) He's such a little gentleman to her though! It's quite amazing. He always gets her chair for her and does all these little things that I hardly ever see guys my age doing for girls. (btw, guys, chivalry especially with your friends, counts for a lot... just saying... and I'm not saying you guys don't try. we know you do) 
 I made a decision, actually a few weeks ago, that I am not going to date. I thought i should say this, or I might lose my courage lol so here I am shouting it out to the world (because as we all well know, the whole world is on myspace... ha and they all read my blog, of course...) Anyways, back to the main point *ahem*. Yes I said it. It was not an easy decision to make, let me tell you. Superficially I still wanted to date, because well, who doesn't? However, unsuperficially I knew that dating wan't for me. It really wasn't my decision though, it's something I knew God was telling me. Do I know how this is going to work? no. I'm blindfolded in that respect (God likes blindfolds. a lot.) I feel so much better now though. I will admit, I'm nervous telling people about it, for obvious reasons. I'm sure you think I'm crazy now. (although in all fairness, you probabl thought that before...) I will state a few of my reasons and maybe you'll understand, maybe you won't. First of all, I always knew I could never date a guy I couldn't see myself marrying someday. Also it's safer physically and emotionally. Truthfully, I am scared to death of the thought of breaking up, or being rejected. It hurts a lot, and leaves scars. there's more, but those are probably the main reasons, well, and that God told me to so uh, I didn't have much say in the matter. But it's so cool, cause now I can have guy friends without any pressure whatsoever (unless they're a stalker *sigh....) And besides, I have things to do before I'll be ready to be with someone. I have plans and goals, and they might take a while.. (especially that Learn to Cook one. should be simple you may say, however cooking requires much attention to details, and you only have to know me a little to know this may cause some difficulty...)
 gosh golly gee this thing is long. well folks, it is time to say good night. I am tired, and I get to get up early and see some kids :). Every day is filled with purpose and God so... enjoy! REjoice in the Lord always, I will say it again. Rejoice!

btw... if you have any questions please ask me. :)

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