Friday, March 30, 2007


It's the end of the week! (sort of) It's been a long week. One of those where I would have preferred just to stay in bed all day. Only not really, cause I'd go crazy. It's been cold.. and drizzly.. grey... Ok, well maybe it's sunny today, but it's still cold. And, I gotta admit, last night when the snow was coming down in flakes an inch big it was pretty gorgeous.

It's always hard to go back to classes after a break, and everyone in my classes (who actually showed up) was zoned out and tired. Like me. WHich made me more zoned out and tired. And motivation? ha. yeah right.

I found out that one of my friends died over spring break. He was on a mission trip to the Havasupai Indians down in the canyon and drowned at Navajo Falls. It's almost incomprehensible to think that he's gone. I went to his myspace page yesterday. It's just how he left it. Except the comments. SO many. People trying to process. It's such a hard thing. Many of my friends were down there on that mission trip.. I can't imagine. Brings back a few memories.

We're not invincible. That's what my mom told me. I guess it's true. Makes me think. Life really could end at any time. I don't want to waste my time.

Well, I'm about out of battery power and I'm at the Dove (I'm going to work here again! just on saturdays... I start in a couple weeks.) Blessings on you!

Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Here's a quote I found the other day. I like it a lot..

fast from criticism, and feast on praise;
fast from self-pity and feast on joy;
fast from ill-temper and feast on peace;
fast from resentment and feast on contentment;
fast from jealousy and feast on love;
fast from pride and feast on humility;
fast from selfishness and feast on service;
fast from fear, and feast on faith.
-Arthur Lichlenburger

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Vendettas and Hippies

I was watching V for Vendetta tonight (good movie, not so dumbed down like most movies made now. Have you noticed that? I notice it when especially watching kid's shows, media is getting more dumb like they're trying to numb our brains. Seriously guys, maybe it's a conspiracy. Soon we'll all be like zombies walking around. Or maybe I think everything's part of a conspiracy to brainwash us cause I just watched that movie. I also think that movie, or the idea behind it, is the biggest thing keeping me from being a liberal. I'm not sure what I am. I'm a nothing. I'm a theocracist. I don't know if that's a word. I bet you forgot what this sentence was about.) and the main character, V, made a statement that caught my attention.

He said something about motives, or intentions. That what we hope to do is not what people see, not what we are remembered for. You cannot see hope, it is not a physical thing, unless put into action. Like faith, people cannot see my hope (unless they read my blog, I think) unless I am doing something to show it to them. I can have the best intentions, but if that is what they remain, what good is it? Not any.

It would be better to be stone cold than lukewarm. Be hot, or be cold, but don't linger on between the two. I am in the state of lingering. I don't know quite how to get out of it. That's the thing, though, with God. He calls us to little things, mostly. And little things, well, they're little. Hard to see through human eyes. Maybe I'm placing too much emphasis on big things. Maybe I'm missing out on the little things, which are the most important and so it si sad that they've become the least important.

My prayer should be for sight for the little things. New eyes. Little things and little people in each day.

My spirit has a yearning. I know the Lord is powerful and beyond comprehension. I know it takes more than a day to know Him. I know that what He sees and has for me goes beyond human ambition, whatever that may be for, education, money, someone to share my life with. I know that His ways are better than mine, that He sees my heart growth and all I see is growth in terms of my own ambition. I know all this. Sometimes.

And sometimes I wish our brains had sticky notes so I could write myself reminders.

I am going to work on that Lightening up thing, by the way.. at least include my fun stories more to balance out what my usual blog has become. It helps a lot to have this when I don't have people around me that I can unload onto, lol. Believe it or not *ahem* not everyone enjoys deep conversation topics. So, here I am, unloading on you, poor soul. Ah well.. self inflicted is it not?

I do have a story though, I don't think I wrote about this one, sorry if I did.

This is one of my roommates, the one getting married soon...

I went to Prescott with one of my roommates a couple weeks ago to have a sunday. We got coffee and sat at the courthouse and watched all the lovely people. There were couple walking their dogs... A couple of people wearing matching clothes and doing what looked like a mix between tai chi and circus performing. I think we decided they were in some sort of martial arts. It was fun to watch though.. Some people were carrying roses, and there were some lying on the benches. A group of about 10 hippies were at the corner of the park. When girl/woman came to the park one of them would give her a rose and tell her she was beautiful.

Isn't that a beautiful thing? So we got roses.. It made my day! It was so nice.. they were amazing. I wish I could've gotten to know them, but they left. I'll put up pictures sometime.. I lost my cord to my camera :(.. I'll find it.

See? I can lighten up.....
(This is the guy doing the tai chi or whatever... I was very sly and took a picture.)

Saturday, March 24, 2007

The Vision

This is a poem by Pete Greig that I first heard at my Perspectives class. It's our prayer, and hope, to be part of this movement. It is starting, there's no denying. It's been growing since the beginning of the church. Sometimes she, the church, is off track. She's still the church though, and in truth, aren't we all a little off? This is the heart of the church, I hope. This is what I, and many others, see stirring in our society, in these times.

The Vision - By Pete Greig

So this guy comes up to me and says:
“what’s the vision? What’s the big idea?”
I open my mouth and words come out like this:
The vision?
The vision is JESUS – obsessively, dangerously, undeniably Jesus.

The vision is an army of young people.
You see bones? I see an army.
And they are FREE from materialism.

They laugh at 9-5 little prisons.
They could eat caviar on Monday and crusts on Tuesday.
They wouldn’t even notice.
They know the meaning of the Matrix, the way the west was won.

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations.
They need no passport.
People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.
They are free yet they are slaves of the hurting and dirty and dying.

What is the vision ?

The vision is holiness that hurts the eyes.
It makes children laugh and adults angry.
It gave up the game of minimum integrity long ago to reach for the stars.
It scorns the good and strains for the best.
It is dangerously pure.

Light flickers from every secret motive, every private conversation.
It loves people away from their suicide leaps, their Satan games.
This is an army that will lay down its life for the cause.
A million times a day its soldiers choose to loose,
that they might one day win
the great ‘Well done’ of faithful sons and daughters.

Such heroes are as radical on Monday morning as Sunday night. They don’t need fame from names. Instead they grin quietly upwards and hear the crowds chanting again and again: “COME ON!”

And this is the sound of the underground
The whisper of history in the making
Foundations shaking
Revolutionaries dreaming once again
Mystery is scheming in whispers
Conspiracy is breathing…
This is the sound of the underground

And the army is discipl(in)ed.
Young people who beat their bodies into submission.
Every soldier would take a bullet for his comrade at arms.
The tattoo on their back boasts “for me to live is Christ and to die is gain”.

Sacrifice fuels the fire of victory in their upward eyes.
Winners. Martyrs.
Who can stop them ?
Can hormones hold them back?
Can failure succeed?
Can fear scare them or death kill them ?

And the generation prays

like a dying man
with groans beyond talking,
with warrior cries, sulphuric tears and
with great barrow loads of laughter!
Waiting. Watching: 24 – 7 – 365.

Whatever it takes they will give: Breaking the rules. Shaking mediocrity from its cosy little hide. Laying down their rights and their precious little wrongs, laughing at labels, fasting essentials. The advertisers cannot mould them. Hollywood cannot hold them. Peer-pressure is powerless to shake their resolve at late night parties before the cockerel cries.

They are incredibly cool, dangerously attractive


On the outside? They hardly care.
They wear clothes like costumes to communicate and celebrate but never to hide.
Would they surrender their image or their popularity?
They would lay down their very lives - swap seats with the man on death row - guilty as hell. A throne for an electric chair.

With blood and sweat and many tears, with sleepless nights and fruitless days,
they pray as if it all depends on God and live as if it all depends on them.

Their DNA chooses JESUS. (He breathes out, they breathe in.)
Their subconscious sings. They had a blood transfusion with Jesus.
Their words make demons scream in shopping centres.

Don’t you hear them coming?

Herald the weirdo’s! Summon the losers and the freaks.
Here come the frightened and forgotten with fire in their eyes.
They walk tall and trees applaud, skyscrapers bow, mountains are dwarfed by these children of another dimension.
Their prayers summon the hounds of heaven and invoke the ancient dream of Eden.

And this vision will be.
It will come to pass;
it will come easily;
it will come soon.

How do I know?

Because this is the longing of creation itself,
the groaning of the Spirit,
the very dream of God.

My tomorrow is his today.
My distant hope is his 3D.
And my feeble, whispered, faithless prayer invokes a thunderous, resounding, bone-shaking great ‘Amen!’ from countless angels, from hero’s of the faith, from Christ himself. And he is the original dreamer, the ultimate winner.


Friday, March 23, 2007


My mom (crickl's nest) has been doing that Friday Feast Blog thing.. I'm not joining the group, but here's my "feast"....

Who is your favorite news anchor/reporter? Why?
Well, I like Charlie Rose a lot, he's not an official news reporter, but I think he counts.. I also like to read the news online at cnn and bbc so I can choose what to read..

Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
Wwe have a little freezer, but it has
- mahi mahi fish fillets (we love fish)
- girl scout thin mints cause those are the best when they're frozen. I don't know who came up with that, but it was an amazing thought.
- lots of juice, they were on sale at Albertson's ;)

If you were to have the opportunity to name a new town or city, what would you call it?
SimplyCity lol, get it?? ha... ha...

Main Course:
What will most likely be the next book you read?
I have to read a book on Islamic fundamentalists for my Recent Trends in Religion class. The next book I'd like to read by choice would be The First Circle by someone whose name I can never remember.. Russian guy... supposed to be really good though. That'll probably be a summer read. It's about a man who was sent to the prison camps in Siberia. There were 3 "circles" or hierarchies in the camp, and it is about him trying to get into the first circle, if I remember correctly. The whole book takes place in 3 days, and it's about as thick as War and Peace. Kind of like that show 24..

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite gender?
Whether they look/are friendly or not probably. You know, someone I could easily talk to. I don't really know. Most people say the eyes, but I've never really payed attention I guess.. I don't think it really is any different between girls and guys though. I probably notice the same things first about both. I think. Who knows?

Thursday, March 22, 2007


Ever feel like you want to start over? Let's erase the slate, start a new day, you know the lingo.

I like to sound smart. I like to know what I'm talking about (or at least soundlike I do). Just when I think I'm starting to get things figured out, God decides, meh you need to chill out. And then He wipes the slate clean for me, in a manner of speaking.

I like it this way too though. I mean, I'd like to think I'm smart and can figure things out but really, everything I think I know is only a shadow of what really is. Like life on earth is a shadow of eternity, my thoughts are a breath in comparison to real Truth.

Maybe this is confession week. My last blog was something of a confession as well. It's good to be humbled. Actually, I think that real humility is not so much a 'thinking less of oneself' sort of thing but more of a 'thinking more of others' sort of thing. If I am thinking less of myself, I'm really not. Just sounds like I am. I'm still thinking of myself, it's what I do most of, and it is a form of pride. If I were truly being humble, I wouldn't be talking about me at all.

In that book by Rick Joyner (it's at home, I'll have to give you the name of the book later... something about a Quest...) his vision stresses the hurtful effects of pride. It's incredible (and not in a good way) how affected I am by pride. The only way to avoid it, in my opinion, is to think about other people more than I think about myself. That, would be a miracle. There's not other way it could happen, only by divine intervention. In essence, then, Love is the cure for pride.

It's all about love. Now I have a song from RENT running through my head. Tangent.... Here are some verses I borrowed from another blog....

don't make a show of your religion in order to attract attention to yourself. -matt 6:1

whenever you do someone a favour, don't tell the world about it. - matt 6:2

always treat other people as you would like them to treat you. - matt 7:12

do not treat children with contempt. - matt 18:10

treat older people with respect. - luke 18:20

just love your neighbour as yourself. - luke 10:27

how sad it is for you who neglect to do justice. - luke 11:42

stop judging people by mere appearances. - john 7:24

whoever want to be a leader should be a servant of all. - matt 20:26

All of these are about love and true humility. A true reflection of Christ. Oh that the reflection would not be mirrored by words alone!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I wish!

I wish....

I wish Flagstaff smelled like orange blossoms like Phoenix does right now.
I wish I had a degree.

I take the last wish back, and wish I could see the person who invented college degrees. We'd have some words. Also the guy (oh yea, must've been a guy) who made it mandatory to take a bunch of classes that have nothing to do with my major.
I wish for a house to start a community in sunnyside.
I wish I could wish for world peace.
I wish politicians were honest.
Oh, and I wish I could fly.

Here is my wish list. Remember that story about the man in Africa who didn't want anything because he had everything he needed? Well, he had obviously never been to America. Americans have a LOT more needs than people in other countries. Trust me. I need a flushing toilet, hot shower, microwave, cell phone, and car for starters. Oh yes, that's just the beginning of my list of needs. There is more to life than food and family! That's why I need so much. You forgot about me, you see. Life is about me, and I'm sorry there's people out on the streets cold and hungry, but that just isn't as important as my coffee.

You may think I'm just trying to make a point, but if we live the way we believe, then isn't all of that true?

God loves to bless us, but it's not about us. God gives me blessings, but they're not for me. My blessings are for everyone around me.

I need pita pit, but people in Africa, oh they only need a bag of rice. I need a nice warm bed, but that homeless man needs a shelter. (Not putting down shelters, by the way.) I.... need Jesus. And I have found the common need. That's the starting point.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

all that jazz

I'm reading a book by Rick Joyner about a vision he had. It's very interesting. It's a good reminder to me that life is not what I can see.

At what point does individualism become harmful? Is there one? WHy do I think it's a good thing? Culture? It really affects my worldview. (And I'm not entirely sure what it is, I only know it's been affected by our individualistic culture.)

Someone asked me what my worldview is. I didn't know how to answer, and I think it might be a good thing to know, being that it affects every part of my life.

I decided I like Obama, and he scares me. I like him because I really like everything he says (despite some apparent fishing for votes). He scares me because everyone I've talked to about him also really likes him. People aren't supposed to like politicians. This all worries me. If you haven't read his Selma, Alabama speech, you should. It's good.

Are the crunchy cons conservative economically/liberal socially or is it the other way around? I've been reading a "crunchy cons" blog, and I think I like it. I just haven't followed it enough to figure it out.

Did you know that hiking is addicting? It is. I'm sunburned.

Two more days til I go home. Starting to count the hours now. Not really, just feels like it. I just want to rest! There is no peace of mind like home. That's my new saying. Like it?

Almost time for church. I long for this fellowship time. More with God than with the people, although I love the people too. Well... I'm going to drink my chai and visit now.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007


I have decided something. I am not going to school unless I can pay for it without a loan. That's my decision.

I am sooooooooooooo tired. All of me is tired. I'm ready fr spring break. Just want to go home and veg. sleep the day away under the sun. oh yea, that sounds nice. tiredtiredtired... tired... tired... the end.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

such is life

I realized something. I'm going into Social Work. This whole struggle with the government and money thing, will only get worse. So, I should try to keep frustration and bitterness to a minimum, else be overwhelmed later.

Did you know that illegal immigrants are helping our Social Security? They have to pay it, but they can't take it. Sad eh?

In 2005 they estimated around 430,000 people would spend the night on the streets. In 2005. I'm going to make a bet that that number isn't going down. In fact, I'd venture to say it's going up. It was something like a third of those people had disabilities. hmmmm...

Charlie Rose had a senator and a representative on his show the other day. They were "discussing" minimum wage. Here's the picture: The Senate is holding the minimum wage bill hostage until the House passes a tax cut by the Senate for small business owners. This time I'm not even paraphrasing, they said hostage, not me. Here's my words:
People! Quit playin games with our money!!!
I feel much better.

So all this being said, how bad can my life be? Not very. I'm not homeless, disabled, hungry, unloved, jobless... Actually, I have an amazing life. And if all those things were true of me, I have Jesus, so it still wouldn't be bad. Just uncomfortable. So taking out a loan for school won't kill me right??....

It grates against my spirit to do it though. I don't think God wants us to be in debt. So does He want me to do this? And how do I know?